This week, I am very excited to be a part of my very first Secret Subject Swap (Take 2!) that is put together every month by Karen over at Baking in a Tornado. In fact, it is becoming such a huge success, that she had to do it twice this month! Some of my very favorite bloggers have contributed in the past and some do every month! I am honored to be able to join in!
My subject was given to me by It's Yummilicious! - Have you ever shoplifted or been tempted to shoplift? What did you steal (or want to steal)?
The answer is unfortunately yes. To give you more of the story, I have decided to write a letter to my 13 year old self. She wasn't very nice... In fact, she wasn't very nice until she hit about 18... She needs a serious kick up the butt...
Some names have been changed or omitted to protect their identities ;) I have thrown a few translations in there too seeing as I grew up in England!
Dear 13 year old me,
Guess who! No wait, never mind, you'll never get it. It's me! Wait... No! It's you! It's you in 18 years time! I know, it's crazy huh? I am writing to you today, to give you a little piece of my mind... After several rather unfortunate events in life, I need to let rip a little.
This is the year you are going to start thinking that you are all that and a bag of chips. You are going to drive Mom crazy. When you grow up, you are going to wonder how the hell she didn't bury you in a 5'5 foot box in the back yard. You are going to thank her profusely for not doing so.
One of the things that you should most definitely reconsider, is this:
In a few months, you, C and L (your best friend, who is STILL your best friend, but you don't get to see her all that often anymore since you moved 3000 miles away to America) will be in Superdrug in town (Translation: Rite Aid) you will bump into K who has pockets full of free awesomeness that she has been pilfering from different stores all day long. She will make it sound easy. You, C & L will go into Superdrug and begin to eye up the things that you have always wanted. You will settle on this:
|Anyone remember this?|
When you get to the police station, I advise you not to tell the policeman that if he calls Mom, he will be coming back to the house by morning to investigate your murder. He won't believe you, in fact he will laugh.
He will only issue you with a caution... But, no matter how much you beg, plead, offer up your first born... HE WILL CALL MOM.
Do you know how you have just been released from grounding hell that lasted for 6 months from your last f up? You are gonna get another 6 months. She will not be happy. L's Mom will have to act as a barricade between you and her to stop her from pulling your brains out through your nostrils. As always, L gets off scott free.
You won't really see C anymore... And K gets caught by her parents a few weeks later when they find the stash under her bed. For the next year (when you are released from groundage... Again) every time you knock on the door, she will be washing dishes. Her parents weren't happy either... She got a year and a half! (Which even now, I find to be a little harsh... But still)
Your life of crime is extremely short lived and not all that successful. So, I plead with you to save us from the horrible experience and go and borrow $10 from Mom to buy the stupid perfume THAT YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE!!
Anyway, I must get on to bed now... Our Son will be awake in a few hours. Yes, I said Son... He is two and a half and if the terrible two's don't quit soon, I might try and find a way to transport him back in time to you for a bit. THAT might make you keep your legs closed throughout your teenage years. But that's a story for another time.
A much wiser 31 year old you
There are 11 brave bloggers in total participating in the months swap, please take a minute to visit them too!
Thanks for stopping by!
Baking in a Tornado
Crazy as Normal
Black Sheep Mom
A Working Mom's "Woahs"
Indian American Mom
Home on Deranged
Just a Little Nutty